Personal Development – Lesson Two
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
*If you want to skip the explanations and important information about this lesson and proceed to the exercise click here.
Please remember to revisit the explanations and information for each lesson when you have time.
This week’s lesson is rather long but provides explanations to some of the body mechanics that limit our abilities and negatively influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They also control and manipulate our needs, wants, desires, and even our dreams by sabotaging our efforts towards self-improvement, self-control, quality relationships, goals, and other meaningful endeavors.
The Notebook exercise in this lesson will help develop and enhance our self and spatial awareness as well as observation skills. In turn, this will begin elevating our consciousness where we are able to view our dysfunctional behaviors as more undesirable. At this point, we can see the need to figure out how to permanently remove the identified behaviors from our lives. This further enhances our attitude and effort to continue seeking more desirable change.
Initially, you are not taking this course for anyone else but you. It’s your life. It’s your journey. These are your memories you are creating, experiencing, and gathering along the way.
As stated in the first lesson, NO ONE, absolutely no one has the right to treat you with disrespect and force you into a submissive miserable relationship or life experience. No more than you have the right to do the same to them. In order to develop the knowledge and tools to accomplish this and regain control of yourself and your life, you have to start somewhere.
The exercises and techniques provided in this lesson when practiced to the point you are achieving desired results can help you remove the triggers to undesirable automated behaviors. In short, the objective is to identify and remove the old undesirable subconscious programmed behaviors from your past. The more you practice, the better you will get at removing the triggers of self-limiting, sabotaging, and self-destructive behaviors like negative self-talk and unreasonable comparisons between your life and others. These learned automated behaviors will become effective mental and emotional filters. Filters in the way they will actively alert you to things of important while helping you avoid dysfunctional nonsense from others that may negatively influence and impact your life.
For example. Let’s say you’re changing addictive behavior. Once you are able to properly identify the trigger which causes you to automatically engage in the addiction, you can learn how to activate neuroplasticity and remove its impact from your life. So, when similar social conditions present themselves the old behavior is not triggered into action. As well you can then replace the old behavior with a response using the same technique that best supports you.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Often times we are asked questions about ways to address our developing positive changes with others. This if course depends on the circumstances. However, the questions were mostly geared towards effective ways to respond to family and friends who would normally be enablers to their old addiction. It is suggested that responses be tailored to be calm and respectful. When the trigger has been successfully removed there is only the perception of others that need modification.
Here are some basic examples of replies when family, friends, coworkers, or strangers offer you a vice. These can also work in some form to help you control and manage your response towards others when they express dysfunctional behaviors and attempt to trigger your old behaviors.
“That’s no longer a part of my life.”
“No thanks. I stopped doing that to improve my health.”
“I stopped doing that because it was negatively affecting my life.”
“Because I care about myself and you and the quality of our relationship I removed that from my life.”
If you require stronger message suggestions for those who don’t know how to accept no for an answer,
“If you respect our friendship/relationship you’ll accept and support that I don’t want that in my life.”
“I understand it’s your vice but it’s harmful to me.”
“Please never offer that or bring that around me again.”
“I appreciate you keeping that to yourself.”
“If you cannot or will not respect my choices and decisions this relationship is over.”
“Please listen carefully. I care about you, but if you cannot respect that I am not willing to accept that in my life, we will be parting ways.”
There are also times when humor is a good way to get the point across. This may be fun or funny to you. Perhaps not so for them.
“You know I stopped doing that because it made me want to hurt you.” Laugh out loud with a short smile then put on a straight face while you do something else nonchalantly. 🙂
“You should stop offering that to me. You’re starting to remind me more and more of my ex.” Give a nice smile with an exaggerated wink. ;-0)
“If you offer that to me again, I’m calling your parents.” Then place your wrists together as if handcuffs are being applied and laugh.
Sometimes people go beyond respectful conversation and try to hold us as a conversation hostage. Some disrespectful people who see the end of the relationship approaching attempt to cling on or harass us into submission.
This last and somewhat unorthodox suggestion may help resolve the matter once and for all. Believe me when I say I struggled whether or not to include this. However, in the end, this funny and interesting method may achieve the desired results.
If you’ve decided the person you are with is being disrespectful and harassing and will not accept no for an answer, try the following: burp, cough, fart, and pick your nose in front of them.
Then make a scene with some loud contradictory departing words where others can hear.
“I find your behavior disgusting and repulsive.” Then stand up and leave.
This will probably trigger debilitating cognitive dissonance and confusion. More than likely you just caused them to short circuit for a while. They may struggle to mentally and emotionally process and comprehend what they just experienced for several days. Chances are they probably won’t want to ever touch you or shake your hand. Lastly, don’t expect a phone call from them anytime soon.
Obviously, this is an exaggerated way to deal with and manage troubling relationships and challenging social interactions. However, sometimes we have to employ unorthodox methods to modify people’s disrespectful automated subconscious behaviors.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Focal point. Truly the quality of our life begins and ends with our thoughts. The overall objective of the first two lessons is for the student to begin learning more effective ways to control their thoughts. Realizing that our subconscious is active and on duty 24/7 monitoring our thought streams while we’re awake and asleep is important to know. Since thoughts can trigger dysfunctional and undesirable involuntary behaviors it seems paramount to our survival and wellbeing we consider how to more effectively control our thoughts and emotions. This will give humanity for the first time in its known history the opportunity to evolve past pettiness, selfishness, and greed which contributes to global poverty and abuse on all levels. This elevation in consciousness will also help remove the vails of generational willful ignorance that represses the species through an adversarial social model and survival of the fittest ideology.
Recording emotional experiences as automated memory responses for future use.
Why does learning how to control ourselves require such a serious commitment? There are two main reasons among many. You may know the answers but bear with us for those who may not.
First, we have to realize that every memory and automated response behavior was recorded by our subconscious. This happens every time a high enough level of emotions are experienced during an event that triggers our brain and subconscious memory recording process. To activate the same process consciously and make lasting positive changes to specific automated behaviors it requires a higher level of consciously controlled emotions. This, in turn, will trigger the memory recording and modification mechanics called conscious neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to rewire itself. This includes modifying acquired, observed, and learned behaviors, and stored memories. This happens naturally throughout our lives. We are mostly unaware of this process because these biological functions are too small to be felt. In many cases, however, the changes and outcomes can be observed. Learning how to consciously activate neuroplasticity with purpose and intent is equivalent to becoming the software programmer for your subconscious. You get to decide what behaviors and automated responses you want that best supports improving your quality of life.
Second, we have to be willing to be completely honest with ourselves. We need to test our current perceived limitations and challenge the boundaries of our beliefs to properly identify the automated triggers of behaviors we desire to change. If we cannot accomplish this the natural conditions that allow for conscious neuroplasticity will not take place. Therefore, we will not achieve our desired results.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Let’s look at an example of the memory creation mechanics in action. Observe how a small child acquires automated behaviors vs. learned behaviors. Acquired behaviors generally result from the child observing new or repetitive actions, behaviors, words or phrases that have moderate to high levels of emotional values. Example. The child hears a loud emotional curse word and sees dad stubbing his toe on a table, “damnit”. Dad notices the child is in close proximity. He quickly converts the cry to laughter so he doesn’t startle the child into crying. As most of us have experienced with our children or others the child will model the sound briefly until it’s satisfied. Then we might see dad chasing after the child as it is running around the house laughing and yelling “dammit, dammit, dammit”.
When the same child is being potty trained depending on the training method and the patience of those involved it may take a few days to several weeks to complete the process. Part of the reason for this is the child has been conditioned and therefore subconsciously programmed to use its diaper as a mobile bathroom for a few years. The concept of staying in one spot and going to the bathroom while sitting on a cold hard surface is a foreign concept. After enough effort, patience, and repetitive muscle memory conditioning, while tossing in lots of congratulatory praise, the child makes the transition to the newly learned behavior. The reason for the high praise is to elevate the child’s emotional levels to engage its subconscious into neuroplasticity so the previous related automated bathroom behavior can be modified and updated.
Another thing to keep in mind here is that the child does not have any context for what has occurred and therefore does not understand what’s going on. It only senses emotional values along with information coming into its five senses. This is why the child laughs as he runs around cursing. This context may take years for the child to develop enough comprehension to understand what’s happening the next time dad stubs his toe.
Allow me to restate something applicable here from the first lesson. Our subconscious is continuously monitoring our thought streams for needs, wants, desires, purpose, and intent. At the same time, it is also running a genetic survival monitoring program. This survival program scans environmental information and our perceptions of reality as part of a threat, safety, and trust assessment.
Let’s say this same child goes to a playground for the first time. It goes down a slide or falls on the ground and gets a small scratch or bruise with dirt on its knees. The child will generally look around for the parent or others close by to determine what kind of response it should have. If the parent overreacts and expresses dramatic emotions towards the child or excessive control and empathy as with helicopter parenting, chances are the child may grow up more insecure and less self-sufficient. If the response from the parent or those around it tell the child in a calm voice, “you’re ok”. “Brush off the dirt and go play”. Chances are that the child will mimic and model the behavior of wiping off the dirt and go play as if nothing happened. This may also reinforce positive self-empowering behavior as it develops into adolescence and adulthood, “you’re ok, you’re strong, brush it off and keep going”.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
However, if the same types of responses were applied to a small child chasing a ball into the middle of the street and were nearly hit by a passing car, the opposite effects and impact may apply. The child will learn that the street is not a safe place to be and this overreaction can help build a lasting automated response in the child to avoid or cautiously enter the street to retrieve a ball only when it’s safe.
The calm response may cause the child to subconsciously record passive automated behaviors about future experiences in its life that may pose serious threats to its survival.
Exploring the subconscious automated memory response recording process leads us to the first of many human vulnerabilities. This recording process and associated vulnerabilities continue to function throughout our lives. Government, military, and religious ideologies, their leaders, and the social elite over thousands of years have known that children are highly influenced by repetition in their physical and social environments. To rephrase an ancient saying, “give me the child till age 7 and I will show you the man or woman.” This is very important to know and an ominous warning for those paying attention and unaware of the massive social conditioning and engineering taking place around the world today.
Most people know this or suspect to a degree but don’t recognize its profound importance. The child from birth to about age 8 is basically a full-time recording device. Again, any emotional experiences, information, beliefs, behaviors, and language expressed within the range of its five senses are generally recorded as automated responses for future use.
The child has no choice but to accept the imposed behaviors and information. Regardless of how dysfunctional the influence and how negative the impact. The child’s mind generally forgets the majority of the sources of all its automated behaviors. However, for negative influences the damage done can last a lifetime.
As stated in lesson one this is a primary function of the subconscious. It is tasked with creating automated memory responses based on emotional experiences to help ensure the child’s survival into the future when similar conditions occur. This is to provide the child as it grows into adulthood with as many options as possible to deal with and manage similar sets of physical and social conditions that were present in the original experience. The problem is that the majority of automated responses are undesirable and reduce the quality of life. Approximately 70% or more of the behaviors acquired from others are dysfunctional and undesirable. Children do not know about or agree to the subconscious programming they are exposed to. Neither did we when we were young.
This brings up a key point to remember. We always have a choice of whether to act or not. Or do we? How many options we have and their quality are important parts of the decision-making process. Then, we need to consider something else that influences when, where, why, and how we decide to act. If at all. It also determines which options are presented to our conscious mind at any moment in time.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
This rogue element is the subconscious. You see, depending on conditions and perceived urgency (real or not, true or not) our subconscious has automatically expressed in fractions of a second a multitude of micro-decisions with our physiology. It does this as part of a natural sequence of functions designed to prepare our survival responses. Whether it be an urgent reflex reaction to catch a glass falling off a counter or immediately responding to someone expressing aggressive anger walking towards you only to pass you by as they head towards someone else. Depending on the biochemical changes taking place, it can modify blood chemistry, elevating emotions, which can immediately influence and affect our decision-making ability. It does this by reshaping our perceptions of reality while limiting our reasoning ability and the number and quality of our available conscious options. Rarely, do we ever consider any of this? These seamless functions are so subtle and happen so often we are mostly oblivious when they occur.
This is something everyone including children are capable of learning. Since all children are genetically programmed to acquire, model, and mimic much of what they observe and experience from their environments they are also the most vulnerable in society. No matter where the child lives and travels it is recording automated memory behaviors from everyone and everything that causes them to experience emotions. This also includes all forms of media entertainment devices and the content they watch like cartoons, television news, tv shows, movies, memes, youtube, social media, etc…
These are considered types of indoctrinating social engineering devices and mechanics. Again to restate the phrase above for conscious impact, “give me a child till age seven and I will show you the man or woman”. It is a sad truth. The majority of dysfunctional social subconscious behaviors that were observed and learned by the young thousands of years ago were passed down to their children and grandchildren, generation after generation, until today. Seemingly without end. This can easily be observed throughout history as a never-ending adversarial social model plays out like a bad merry-go-round ride of dysfunctional behavior that repeats the same nonsense of social, regional, and international conflict over and over.
Let’s take a moment to analyze a snapshot in time by looking at the dysfunctional, erratic, and highly emotional behaviors of many governments and religious officials and leaders throughout the world. Nearly every moment of every day we access news media outlets around the world and what do we and our children see.
With rare exceptions, we see and experience high volumes of never-ending human social dysfunctional and disrespectful behaviors being openly expressed by supposed educated leaders. There are rarely good examples of calm, respectful, tolerant, and understanding behaviors being expressed. The same dysfunctional indoctrinating social engineering mechanics are playing out today.
It is important to come to terms with some things that may seem troubling at first but are closer to the truth than we may want to admit. Keep in mind these are generalizations. They are not meant for you to take them personally. However, if you do, take notes of the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors you express. This way later in the lesson, you can use the exercise and techniques to remove and resolve the issues from your life.
*It is important to understand this information when learning and using the exercise and techniques in this lesson and others later in the course.
First, taking the previous paragraph into consideration we can make some observations, assertions, and reasonable determinations. These can be further substantiated by evaluating our own lives and taking note of the dysfunctional programming we acquired from all our primary past influences. Then we unknowingly passed them down to our children and others. Now let’s consider some of the persistent and annoying dysfunctional behaviors we received through acquisition from our past. How many of these are being involuntarily expressed in our daily lives without our ability to control them?
This directly applies to the Life Evaluation worksheet.
Due to the fact we acquire, accept, and learn so many dysfunctional behaviors throughout our lives without questioning, it reveals how gullible and how socially and subconsciously vulnerable humanity is. So much so that we believe the words of others without requiring real facts and evidence. In fact, whole nations have been moved by the false propaganda of an impending threat they are willing to go to war with complete strangers in foreign lands over something they have little to no real knowledge of.
Then to compound the absurdity of these vulnerabilities people are programmed with subconscious justifications to praise everyone involved in the destruction of a perceived enemy or threat. Again, real or not. True or not. It’s as if innocent people who died is an acceptable loss to reach the objectives of those manipulating the masses. Acceptable only until their loved ones and ours are about to meet the same fate. By the way, this adversarial social model designed to dehumanize any adversary by taking advantage of known human vulnerabilities has been imposed upon countless peoples and civilizations throughout history. Completely innocent people murdered and civilizations destroyed because they couldn’t understand or were unwilling to accept differing religious or social ideologies.
Once the dehumanizing subconscious programming begins it generally makes no difference who the adversary is. When the mental and emotional justifications are in place, the body involuntarily reacts to the high levels of anxiety and stress in the environment. The subconscious programming expresses the automated behaviors and carries out the orders. Often times the people involved are observers to their bodies doing things they personally could never imagine doing in any other environment.
I’ve taken you down this path to demonstrate in a serious way what is really at stake for Mankind. This is also meant to demonstrate that in much lesser situations like personal relationships with ourselves and others the same vulnerable subconscious mechanics are engaged. Whether it’s competing companies, social organizations, opposing beliefs, sports, governments, or religious and social ideologies, the adversarial social mechanics are the same.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
So, it’s reasonable to assume since we have not been able to fully control our anger, anxiety, depression, and fear that previous generations were unable to control theirs.
It is also reasonable to assert by observing our dysfunctional relationships, that humans around the world for tens of thousands of years were dealing with the same relationship struggles.
Finally, it’s easy to determine that the same adversarial social model that existed tens of thousands of years ago is still in full force and effect today.
Summation: If we can observe and reason these things as being true, is there someone or something to blame and criticize? Is someone or something at fault? Who is ultimately accountable and responsible for this adversarial social model that has resulted in the deaths and ruined relationships of billions from the beginning of the species till today?
This explanation is neither an exoneration or justification for disrespectful and demeaning behavior. In the end, we may not only feel individually accountable and responsible but socially and legally we may be held accountable. This is meant to point out the vulnerabilities that influence and impact our lives every day. Be it competing neighbors, two people competing for the affection of another, co-workers, or competing toothpaste ads. Maybe it’s news media outlets promoting various socially manipulative propaganda campaigns on behalf of special interests to take unfair advantage at the expense of others. Even college sports teams where coaching staff and players are so vulnerable to negative social influences and peer pressure they can be manipulated and convinced to do things that may ruin their life or the lives of others.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter who created this adversarial social model tens of thousands of years ago. The past is locked in time for analysis and evaluation. There is no one to blame or criticize. What we can do is located right here, right now. One thing we can do is learn from the past in a way that allows us to affect and impact the present in a meaningful way that will positively influence the future. The truth is once we become more self-aware and able to identify these and other issues we can begin creating meaningful ways to permanently resolve them. That is what is most important today.
The fact is I cannot change the abuse I may have suffered as a child. I can only learn and realize my father, mother, and others who negatively influenced and impacted my life did the best they were capable of every moment of their lives. It is entirely possible they were subjected to worse negative treatment and influence than I was. Their subconscious learned the automated dysfunctional responses and expressed them involuntarily just like ours does.
It is in our best interest to do better when we are able. We can only do the very best we are capable each moment of our lives given all of the dysfunctional subconscious programming we acquired and collected overtime that interferes with our progress. What I can do right now, today is learn how my biology works so I can get rid of my undesirable behaviors. I can also start creating the very best version of me so I don’t pass the dysfunction onto my children, family, friends, and others. Instead, I can set a meaningful example of what’s possible with commitment, practice, and time.
It’s valuable to know that Mankind is genetically hardwired to be highly social for survival and perpetuation of the species. We can also easily observe that in this social coding the vast majority of people have a genetic predisposition that is respectful, kind, loving, compassionate, and charitable.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Again, it’s important to fully understand that Mankind is not genetically programmed to be adversarial. As stated in the first lesson, “If we were genetically programmed to be adversarial and survival of the fittest as is the case with many species in nature, these high human traits would be the exception instead of the Rule we use for peaceful social behavior and interaction.”
There is no escaping Mankind is a highly emotional species. However, as we enhance our self and spatial awareness we can elevate our consciousness beyond the dysfunctional petty and selfish subconscious programming associated with the old outdated adversarial model and evolve into the beautiful species we are more than capable of being.
In order to change undesirable behaviors and develop the very best version of us possible, it requires that we learn to identify everything and everyone that are not a healthy part of our life. As well, we need to create a reasonable mental or written list of options to manage negative influences and reduce its impact on our lives. This also means that it’s important to recognize our current limitations with respect to finances and other resources. Including organizations and outlets that can assist with or provide personal and social support during our transition to a better quality of life. Over time this will help increase the number of available options. At the same time, this will help us make better informed immediate, short and long term decisions that can help.
Let’s preface this section of the lesson, before the exercise, by saying there are specific biological and mechanical behaviors and functions that occur every moment of our lives. These functions and mechanics are a permanent and active part of our day. Most subconscious functions and processes are involved in the maintenance of the body. Others determine when, where, why and how we interact with changing conditions in our physical and social environments.
This is important to know for two main reasons.
First, if we can know that our bodies are programmed to express a specific type of behavior to every kind of life experience than we can begin to observe the behaviors and see the mechanics in action. This gives us the ability to test reactions and conscious responses to similar conditions to determine which set of outcomes improves the quality of our lives and those that reduce it.
Second, once we have tested the conditions to reach a reasonable conclusion on the mechanics involved in triggering and automating dysfunctional and or undesirable behaviors we can begin to formulate ways to permanently improve the results. This can lead to lasting meaningful changes in our lives. This also means we can start seeing the best version of us in our minds and begin manifesting it into reality in days, weeks, and months instead of years or never.
Basically, everyone uses the mechanics described in this course every day. We were never taught at home or school that these body mechanics and automated dysfunctional behaviors could be changed. We acquire and accept much of the dysfunctional social behaviors we experience because it appears others who are influential in our lives have accepted it. It also reinforces the need for social acceptance.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Since we are highly social beings with genetic protective needs for safety, trust, and social acceptance this automated behavior acquisition is built into the fabric of all social structures. This is why people unwittingly believe and self-talk statements like, “I guess this is my poor lot in life”. “Who am I to question them”. “My parents do it so it’s ok for me to do it”. “If this is the best its ever going to be I should just get used to it”. My dear friends and family, nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone is capable of making simple to profound positive changes in their lives.
We just have to start with the basics and progress. Once we become aware that we need to remember on a daily basis to focus our attention on something more positive in time it will become a new automated behavior.
Whether we realize or not, we directly and subconsciously influence and create what manifests every day of our lives. We may not understand the cause and effect of strange conditions and experiences. But rest assured if we were able to follow different colored lines attaching all influences and decisions that lead to specific events in our lives we would see it’s all based on cause and effect.
To that end. If we are more consciously aware of what triggers dysfunctional automated behaviors we can use the tools provided in this course to permanently remove them from our lives. Then we need to decide how we want to respond to the automated behavior we just removed. So the next time those event conditions occur we have the automated response we programmed.
This means you! You have always possessed the power and ability to change the quality of your life. You may not have had the knowledge or tools to do so, but you have the power.
This lesson is the second half of the two primary exercises and tools this course focuses on. We can look at humanity around the world and see it is in the midst of a massive identity crisis. If we can see the same in our life we can easily agree that developing a better self-image is required for us to have more lasting meaningful change. As stated in the first lesson, “ We are going to think about something every consciously aware moment of our lives. It might as well be something positive and supportive.”
However, that is easier said than done. The reason lies in some of the mechanics of the subconscious. For purposes of this lesson let’s view the subconscious as computer operating and management software. There are easily observed primary functions of the subconscious. One is to maintain and repair the physical body. Another is to record every experience that has an emotional value as an automated memory response for future use. Then, it helps ensure the body’s survival into the future.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
WARNING!!! This will be a little technical and potentially boring for some. If you feel your eyes starting to glaze over and a nap seems really appealing take a break. Please read more than once to help ensure a better understanding of the subtle biological processes at work.
Every time we experience something involving people, places, and things that triggers an emotional there is a series of biological and mechanical functions that take place. changes in our lives, our body automatically expresses emotions. Each emotion is genetically and socially programmed to assist us as we experience and interact with the current changes we are experiencing. We experience emotions in physical and social environmental changes through our 5 senses as energetic chemical values. These energy values determine the types of chemicals and quantities the body produces and injects into the bloodstream. At the same time, the body produces electricity. Similar to the chemical types and values, the same is true for the electrical synapsis and strengths related to specific types of emotions.
These chemical and electrical synaptic types and values, in turn, determines the strength and approximate duration of the emotions being experienced. Some of these values can be viewed through ECG, EEG, EMG, and fMRI scans because they affect our physiology in measurable ways. As well, they can be visually observed and physically sensed through facial expressions, changes in body posture, and skin color. These values correspond with specific chemical combinations and electrical currents our body produces, Again, these chemical values represent the types and intensities of one or more emotions we are experiencing.
The emotional values are programmed into every subconscious recorded memory aka, future subconscious automated responses. We collect and create millions of these automated responses throughout our life. This is part of what makes up and defines not only our perceptions of reality but our behaviors, beliefs, social interactions, likes, dislikes, skills, and abilities.
Whatever we are unsure of or lack in specific details in a recalled memory, the creative elements of our mind will fabricate details, real or not, true or not, to fill in the gaps. This is done to create a sense of balance and continuity. Most of our mental reasoning designed to justify dysfunctional emotions and behaviors for any number of reasons is also created this way.
Something important to keep in mind. No matter how out of balance our life appears our subconscious is hardwired to ensure our survival into the future. Balance is basically whatever our collective minds determine and create to be a reasonable perception of the events in any given emotional experience. By the way. The updated versions of that memory and event which often adds our biases, likes and dislikes to the picture again, tend to be less true and less real than the original experience. This is often why first-hand witnesses to crimes often make bad material witnesses in court.
Generally, the mind has gone over the incident many times to more fully understand what took place, how and why. This is a function of the genetically programmed parts of the brain involved in recording the memory and dealing with and managing future emotional and behavioral responses. These responses are designed to recall part or all of the thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and elements in the environment that are relevant to the experience. Our genetic programming also seeks to maintain reasonable emotional balance and physical equilibrium. Just like the genetic fight, flight and freeze response, these subconscious programs are designed to help ensure our survival into the future. To this end, the creative elements of our mind can modify and reconstruct what we call our ‘recollection of memory’ with new elements that were not part of the original experience. This happens every day of our lives. The process flows naturally and we are so used to it we tend not to notice it at all. It’s only when we talk with others and compare our detailed versions of the same experience we tend to notice the differences.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
If you were asked to recall and admit to your two least favorite dysfunctional, embarrassing, humiliating, and or disrespectful automated behaviors. What would they be? I mean behaviors that when triggered cause you to lose control of yourself and injure you and or others emotionally, mentally, or physically. As well, damage meaningful and valuable relationships.
How do these automated behaviors make you feel during and after they have been expressed?
Do you love these automated dysfunctional behaviors so much you want them to be an active part of the rest of your life?
Do you enjoy how these dysfunctional automated behaviors make you feel so powerless?
How do they affect your self-respect, self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence?
If you could better understand the mechanics of these dysfunctional behaviors and learn the biology of how they control, manipulate, and influence your decision-making everyday are you interested?
If you could remove the emotional triggers from these dysfunctional behaviors permanently from your life would you commit yourself to dedicate the time needed to accomplish it?
If you are ready to make the commitment and dedicate yourself to being the best version of you, then continue with the course. Otherwise, stop here and go do something else. No sense in wasting your time or that of others willing to assist you.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
The Notebook Exercise
This exercise requires some notepads and pencils. The small pocket size spiral notebooks that are five or more for a dollar at most department stores are generally recommended. They are easy to carry and handle at a moment’s notice when you have to take notes for the exercise. As well, it will be described later in the lesson how they can be used as a distraction and focusing tool in undesirable interactions with others.
The objective of this exercise is to enhance your self and spatial awareness. This will better help you identify and write down every dysfunctional and undesirable automated thought, emotion, and behavior.
The objective of the technique associated with this exercise will help you remove and release the subconscious triggers of undesired behaviors. This will allow you to create new supportive automated responses for any familiar physical and social condition.
Starting today and for the next 45 days please be more observant and try to identify every single dysfunctional or undesirable automated thought, emotion, and behavior. Also try to identify people, places, or things in the environment that triggered the dysfunctional or undesirable thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This includes negative self-talk.
Some students and clients record themselves on digital devices as they travel throughout their day. Most are surprised by the amount of negative self-talk. Basically, every time you think, feel or behave in a dysfunctional, disrespectful, submissive, subservient, critically harsh, being negatively judgmental of yourself and others, and self-doubting way write it down. Again, this means you need to write down everything that does not support you improving the quality of your life, relationships, or attempts to distract you from staying in alignment with the new best version of you.
It is important to keep in mind that the subconscious appears to have a very short response timer of 3 to 5 seconds to most events we experience. Understanding this through firsthand experience and observation of others will reinforce the urgency to beat the clock.
This means on average we have 3 to 5 seconds to change the focus of our attention from something negative to something positive. Otherwise, an undesirable biological sequence of events will occur.
The undesirable sequence works like this:
Something happens in your life and negative thoughts start flooding the mind. You are either unaware of or forgot about the 3 to 5 second, subconscious timer. As you begin focusing your attention on the negative thoughts the subconscious is monitoring your thought stream for needs, wants, desires, purpose, and intentions. Fractions of a second later you focus more energy on the negative thoughts as a movie replays over and over in your mind. Simultaneously, in anticipation of your emotional needs based on the direction and flow of your thought streams, your subconscious has already signaled to neurons and other cells to start producing the chemical combinations and synaptic responses needed to support your emotions. The signaling basically says, “Open the bodies pharmacy and produce the chemicals and synaptic responses needed to support these emotions and get them into the bloodstream STAT!”. Then instantaneously you feel those specific negative emotions starting to build up inside you and engage.
Now, for the next 30 seconds to 30 minutes or more, you’re locked into emotional and perhaps physical pain and suffering from the chemical effects until they wear off. This time factor depends not only on the emotional intensity based on the combination of chemicals involved but how long it takes you to refocus your attention to something more positive.
Most people have experienced negative thought streams that have lasted an hour or more. This is what we call the ‘Emotional Merry-Go-Round Effect’. Just as you were about to get over the current round of emotional chemical effects, you briefly think about the situation again. This triggers another round of emotion supporting chemicals. Many suffering from PTSD and other forms of depression and high anxiety can get locked into negative debilitating thought streams for days, weeks, months, and even years with periodic interruptions.
Note: The subconscious interprets the thoughts and emotions we experience literally. It cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality or whether something is true or not. Our conscious mind makes those determinations. Also, the subconscious cannot distinguish between time and space.
An example of this would be how watching a dramatic or scary movie elicits very real emotional and physical involuntary responses. Again, as the subconscious monitors our thought streams, specific information can trigger automated involuntary emotional and physiological responses.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Another example would be reminiscing experiences from our past. We sit and talk with friends or family about an enjoyable event in our past. The more we remember from the event the more sensory information involved in the event starts to surface and our body begins releasing similar chemical combinations so we can relive to a limited degree the sights, sounds, smells, physical sensations, and even tastes we experienced during that event. This is similar to when you see or think about someone eating a lemon. It can cause us to immediately experience physical and chemical reactions as if we were eating the lemon. I experienced it while writing this section.
Short term coping tools.
Please gather some of the following items to assist you in learning to refocus your attention within 3 to 5 seconds. It is recommended to have a minimum of 3 pictures, 2 physical items or jewelry, and or 2 songs you can quickly access that instantly bring to mind positive empowering and inspiring thoughts and emotions.
Now, anytime you feel negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors being triggered by your own negative self-talk, thoughts or reactions to people, places, or things you can begin working on building new automated responses that will eventually beat the subconscious timer when similar experiences occur in the future.
To build this new automated behavior it is recommended you get in front of a mirror. Look at and hold your coping tools. Allow yourself to deeply imagine and feel the powerful inspiring thoughts and emotions they bring to you. Do this for at least five minutes, five or more times the first three days. You want to make sure these pictures and items instantly empower and inspire you every time you hold them or look at them. Practice this longer to help lock in the desired response.
About the fourth or fifth day start doing this exercise in locations that would normally bring to mind negative emotional responses. This time place the pictures or items on a counter or table next to you. Then start imagining a past experience that would normally cause you to feel negative emotions. As soon as you feel those negative emotions starting to form take a deep breath and calmly pick up your coping tools and refocus your attention on the empowering and inspiring thoughts and emotions they bring to your mind. Practice this part of the coping tool exercise several times a day for a week. While your practicing, keep your notebook close by so you can write down any negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors you experienced. Eventually, this exercise and your coping tools will be recorded by your subconscious as an automated response and you won’t need to have the pictures or items with you.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Continue practicing this coping tool in your mind for another week or two until it becomes more of an automated response. If you have someone you trust who is willing to do some role-playing this will further reinforce your new automated behavior. Ask them to play the role of someone who presents a negative behavior where you can use your coping tools to calm yourself and appropriately act or respond to the situation. Then take the time to write in your notebook to address it later.
In short, you will be linking specific actions and items to your new automated behavior responses. The item or picture is just a focal point for your attention. Eventually, the picture and item are recorded as part of the subconscious automated response and will not be required to get the same results. This is the same way you learn to do everything else you are capable of doing.
For example. Before you learned how to ride a bicycle, roller skates, or skateboard you watched others having fun with those things. Eventually, you started seeing yourself riding or skating in your mind having fun with those things. You were not aware of the fact that you were already learning some basic muscle memory mechanics through observation. As well you were imagining what you think it feels like to put on the skates or get on the bike or skateboard and travel around the neighborhood. The same process occurred for everything you ever learned in your life.
Curiosity, excitement, fun, and adventure are all filled with high emotions. Each one of these emotions is produced by a combination of chemicals your body manufactured and rapidly injected into your bloodstream. This injection of chemicals including adrenaline, along with electrical synaptic responses powered your body with excitement and into action. All this so you could explore your curiosity about what it feels like to have fun with those things.
In this course, you are using those mechanics to develop special types of powerful emotions. These consciously controlled emotions will allow you to create the conditions of conscious neuroplasticity. This will give you the ability to rewire or restructure negative behaviors from past memories. This is accomplished by activating the memory creation and modification process. Basically, you are communicating with your subconscious in a natural way. You are consciously instructing it to reprogram the memory cells that trigger a specific dysfunctional and undesired automated behavior.
Essentially, you want to grab your phone, media player, photos, or items and allow them to refocus your attention and empower and inspire you to a calmer state of mind. This will give you time and some emotional stability to better manage and address the issue. Then when you have time grab your notebook and write notes for the exercise. With consistent practice, you will develop this tool into a new automated response program that will continue to serve you long after the course. Basically, this process will become an automated mental and emotional filter that prevents potentially negative influences from impacting your life.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
All of this is easier said than done right? Well, anything that’s new and worthwhile is going to take time to understand and develop confidence in it. Just like riding a bike or learning to use weights properly to build muscle mass and core physical strength. Over time through enough correct repetition, we become more confident and self-assured in how to manipulate these mechanics to achieve desired results. It gets easier the more we practice it.
Removing and releasing technique and tool.
As we go into this section lets keep in mind how important emotions are to the memory behavior creation process. It’s time to discuss the types of emotions that can be purposely and willfully used to activate conscious neuroplasticity. Remember, it is thoughts that trigger the elevated electrical and chemical values of emotions that activate the natural memory behavior recording process. As well, it is the same process that triggers automated memory behaviors from your past to activate and express themselves. Again, this is neuroplasticity.
Not Your Average Garden Variety Tool
This primary and powerful tool is something everyone has readily experienced and used many times throughout their lives. However, we are going to learn how to control it and scale its intensity to obtain our desired results. The emotions we will be using are dismissive indignance.
On the emotional energy scale, depending on how it’s used, dismissive indignance ranks right under love, but above anger and fear.
The definitions are provided as follows:
Dismissive: indicating dismissal or rejection; having the purpose or effect of dismissing, as from one’s presence or from consideration.
Indignant: feeling, characterized by, or expressing strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, insulting, or base.
When combined as dismissive indignance, it means you immediately and respectfully dismiss and reject all internal and external negative influences. Over the next 45 days, you will be developing the respectfully controlled and automated behavior of this ability. The objective is to practice using dismissive indignance every day to consciously and purposefully reject and remove every single dysfunctional and undesirable item you write in your notebook. By the end of the course, most of you will automatically reject everything that does not enhance the quality of your life and that of others and, does not add to your peace of mind.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
This exercise like others begins in front of a mirror so our subconscious can see and feel what we are doing. This aids in creating automated behaviors. For a minimum of three times a day, stand in front of a mirror in private and practice developing a calm respectful dismissive indignant attitude. It is important for us to see ourselves practice so we can begin experiencing what this new self-empowering automated attitude response looks like and feels like.
The primary feeling you are looking to achieve is an aggressive defensive attitude as if someone insulted or disrespected you and you will not tolerate it.
Find the memories of words, gestures, or disrespectful behaviors others in your past have expressed that automatically made you feel the thoughts, “I don’t think you know who you’re talking to. I do not and will not accept that nonsense in my life. There’s the door. Don’t let it smack you in the ass on the way out. Matter of fact. I’m never going to move from this position”. Get it?
If it helps think of it as your superpower. When you flip the switch or push the button, that high emotional superpower energy is an impenetrable force field. You and only you get to turn it on and off. Over time with practice, you will learn to wield it like a master craftsman. You can both build and destroy with this new powerful tool.
Again, practice picturing in your mind a light switch or a push-button. Flip the switch or push the button and feel the dismissive indignant energy quickly build up inside you. In time, it will be available instantly.
Stand in front of a mirror and practice, practice practice. Remember it is the respectful use of your superpower that is most effective.
Some examples of respectful but firm phrases to practice with:
“Thank you for the offer, but I am not interested.”
“Let me make this perfectly clear. I will not accept that behavior in my life.”
“If you are not willing to be respectful and supportive you will not be a part of this relationship.”
“I will not accept disrespect from you or anyone else. Nor should you.”
“If this person, thing, or opportunity does not enhance the quality of my life and add to my peace of mind it is not allowed in my life?”
Remember to maintain a respectful, relaxed, calm body posture. Your facial expression should be serious and matter of fact, with a firm but pleasant smile. If you need visual cues there is an abundance of examples on the internet. Please keep in mind it is not about getting angry and lashing out at yourself or others. It is about clarifying your terms and conditions for interacting with yourself and others.
This also means NO ONE! Gets to limit your potential, sabotage your efforts, decide who you can and cannot be. Or what you can achieve. This means you, and only you get to define who you are. No event in your life or person will ever define you. You define yourself through your incredible developing self-image, your thoughts, controlled emotional states, and your kind, compassionate and charitable behaviors that continue to enhance the quality of your life and that of others.
Enhancing awareness and observation skills are key elements to self-discovery
Notebook exercise with dismissive indignance in action.
As you can imagine that mastering the use of your respectful superpower mindset is required for best results. Over a short period of time, you will develop the ability to more easily reject influences that will attempt to distract, limit, and sabotage you from reaching your desired objectives. You will be using your new dismissive indignant tool in the NoteBook exercise explained below.
For the next 30 days please write in your notebook every negative thought, emotion, and automated dysfunctional behavior you express throughout the day.
You are working on creating a new behavior your subconscious will later convert into an automated response filter designed to protect and support you.
Remember, as described above the subconscious has a 3 to 5 second timer. You are to use your coping tools to help you quickly refocus your attention to something more positive to keep your internal pharmacy from producing undesirable chemicals that create negative emotional responses. This way you won’t be stuck in a bad mood unfairly influencing others who don’t the right to affect.
At the end of each before bed find a quiet place to sit so you can address the list you made throughout the day.
When you’re ready, sit down and take a few deep breaths. When you feel calm and centered, open your notebook and look at the first item on your list.
Let’s say the first negative item on your list is about your looks when you woke up and walked in front of the mirror before showering. Your thoughts might have been, “Wow you look like a mess. Maybe you should go back to bed and finish hibernation.”
Now it’s easy to see this is negative self-talk which is meant to be belittling and degrading. It’s fairly obvious this thought and associated negative emotions will not encourage you to have a good or great day. In fact, it can do just the opposite. Remember, the subconscious takes everything literally. Even if you are joking, you are sending your subconscious a message that says when I look in the mirror and tell myself I look like a wreck create a bad day for me. This is a common theme with those who engage in a lot of negative self-talk throughout the day. They wonder why others always seem to get good opportunities or have nice friends instead of jerks, work undesirable jobs, never get promotions, and generally feel unlucky, etc…
Simple truth my friends is you are telling your subconscious what kind of negative reality you want to experience. Therefore, it helps you create it so you can experience it. Then when you experience a break in the normal bad day it’s usually because there was a distraction in your thought stream that may have been fun and interesting. Then for the next short while, you experienced something different. Back to the exercise.
You are interviewing every item on your list who wants to be one of your main go-to automated response for this kind of behavior.
Keep in mind each of the items on your list has been deceiving you, lying to you, cheating and stealing from you since the moment it was created as an automated response. Are you going to allow anything or anyone like that in your life from now on? In your mind or out loud raise your voice and say, “Not only no, but HELL no!” Now say in your mind, “I will not tolerate disrespect. You serve no meaningful purpose in my life. It’s time to go!” Now, say this again with the strongest commitment and conviction you have ever felt. Calm, strong, respectful and firm. “I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS DISRESPECT”. “YOU SERVE NO MEANINGFUL PURPOSE IN MY LIFE. IT’S TIME TO GO.”
Step by step rehearsal.
While your emotional energy is strong see in your mind this dysfunctional subconscious program looks like a light with a power cord attached that’s plugged into a wall socket. The light can be in either hand and you will be grabbing and pulling the power cord effortlessly out of the wall with your free hand.
Briefly take notice if the light and power cord have a color.
After you ask the program both questions. You will immediately know the answer then say at full power, “YOU SERVE NO MEANINGFUL PURPOSE IN MY LIFE. IT’S TIME TO GO.” Be respectful but aggressively intolerant.
Now, in your mind, grab the power cord with your free hand and easily and effortlessly pull it out of the wall socket and smile as the light goes out. Smile as if that’s the last time this program will ever lie, cheat, and steal your precious dreams and time, and disrespect you!
Make a quick mental note if the power cord changes color once you unplug it.
Then, just as if the light and power cord are made of a spongy clay, smash it into a bouncy ball of your choice and throw it out a window or kick it out the door. You can have fun with this part of the technique. Whatever sport you like the most make that kind of a bouncy ball. After you throw or kick it, briefly notice it bounce off into the distance never to be seen again. Take a couple of deep breaths and address the next item. The previous item is gone for good and is not worthy of any further consideration.
When you have gone through all the items on your list for the evening turn off your superpower light switch or push its button. Take a couple of deep breaths and job well done! You may notice small to moderate changes in the way you feel as you work through some of the items. At the end of the list, you may even feel lighter and bouncy yourself.
Now let’s begin.
Turn on your superpower by flipping on your light switch or pushing your button.
Feel that dismissive indignant emotional energy quickly build to full power. When you feel you’re at full power and are in complete control of the emotions you are ready to begin with the items on your list.
See the light in one hand and ask the qualifying questions.
- Do you enhance the quality of my life?
- Do you add to my peace of mind?
You immediately know the answer. Now, with great confidence in your superpower, express to the item, “YOU SERVE NO MEANINGFUL PURPOSE IN MY LIFE. IT’S TIME TO GO.” Be respectful but aggressively intolerant.
In your mind reach down with your free hand and easily and effortlessly grab the power cord and unplugged it from the wall socket.
Smile as the light goes out immediately. Smile because it’s the last time this program will ever lie, cheat, and disrespect you!
Make a quick mental note if the power cord changes color after you unplug it.
Now, as if the light and power cord are made of a spongy clay, smash them into a bouncy ball of your choice and throw it out a window or kick it out the door. You can have fun with this part of the technique. Whatever sport you like the most make that kind of a bouncy ball. After you throw or kick it, briefly notice it bounce off into the distance never to be seen again.
Take a couple of deep breaths. CONGRATULATIONS!!! You’ve just engaged in conscious neuroplasticity. WOOT! WOOT!
Rinse and repeat this technique until you have gone through all of the items on your list. Practice makes perfect my friends.
Don’t forget when you’ve gone through your list for the evening to turn off your superpower light switch or push the button. Energy is not free or cheap. Take a couple of deep breaths and again, job well done! You may notice small to moderate changes in the way you feel as you work through some of the items. At the end of the list, you may even feel lighter and bouncy yourself.
It is recommended that you wait till evening to go through your list. After 30 days of practicing this technique, start resolving negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors quickly on the spot or right after they occur. Practice this approach for the rest of your journey. Eventually, it will be your effortless self-supporting automated filter.
This technique, communicates in a language your subconscious understands. Your subconscious takes this processed information literally, because of the focused attention and the highly energetic emotional values you generate. These are the same types of conditions and parameters that created the original memory behavior earlier in your life with an automated response trigger the subconscious can detect. The trigger signals its contents to the subconscious which it identifies and expresses at a later date when a similar set of physical and or social conditions occur. Each subconscious memory program appears to contain at least four main elements. Thoughts, emotions, muscle memory behaviors, and a record of significant items or elements in the physical environment that are relevant to the event.
Again, this technique allows you to engage in conscious neuroplasticity. This, in turn, restructures the physical memory by reorganizing neurons and other cells in the memory, modifying its structure without the original trigger cells. It works in the same way as atrophy. When the subconscious becomes aware of changes to mental and physical signals requiring a reduction of cells it sends signals to the appropriate cells to break down. When you purposely create high elevations of controlled emotional energy the subconscious activates neuroplasticity to target the memory cells associated with the thoughts and behaviors you are focusing intently on and reorganizes their physical structure in the same way it naturally does all the time. Much like when we think about an event in our past and remember something else in the experience that wasn’t even part of the original experience. The creative side of our mind modified that extra bit of data from our imagination and added it to the memory through neuroplasticity.
I hope this helps to explain the process.
Have a great week.
