Personal Development – Lesson Four
“If we do not learn to control ourselves, we will be controlled by others”.
This lesson builds upon lesson two.
The Human Myopic Conundrum.
Myopic: nearsighted, shortsighted.
If you cannot see the forest through the trees you are myopic.
Conundrum: an intricate and difficult problem.
If you cannot see the forest through the trees and find a way out to put money in the parking meter, you may be experiencing a myopic conundrum.
Some important questions to consider. These may trigger undesirable responses. So, please have your notebooks handy to resolve and remove them later.
If you wake up and go to bed feeling discouraged about being able to improve the quality of your life, what and who is controlling your life?
If you feel like you’re constantly being held back and denied opportunities to positively improve your life, what and who is controlling your life?
If you are unable to pursue your dreams and aspirations, what and who is controlling your life?
If you feel like your life is nearly or completely void of meaning and purpose, what and who is controlling your life?
If you make a delicious looking salad, tasting your favorite salad dressing in your mind only to discover the bottle of dressing is bone dry, are you disappointed, sad, angry, or just cover it up to get some dressing later? What and who is controlling your life?
At this point in the course, you may know the answers to all these questions. If you don’t know the answers please go back over the first two lessons.
So where do we go from here? How can we solve complex life puzzles without knowing what the right pieces look like in order to build the correct picture?
What about reminiscing? You see an old favorite TV show from your childhood while changing channels because out of the 600 nothing seems appealing. You stop on that TV show and it’s one of your favorite episodes. It makes you reminisce, you’re taken out of the world and it brings you back to someplace familiar, comfortable, happy. Then, all of a sudden, the power goes out. Not only are you stuck in the dark, but you’re booted out of this comfort and any of the memories you might’ve been reliving. Do you feel disappointment or frustration welling up inside you? What will you do and how will you react from here? Who and what is controlling your life?
This lesson involves some field studies. At least once a day for the next two weeks, you are asked to discreetly observe others. Family, friends, co-workers, and strangers. Throughout your travels, maybe at work, a church, at the library, a gas station convenience store, a mall, or Walmart after 10 pm.
This exercise is similar to the Notebook exercise. However, rather than focusing on you it’s important to observe others to reinforce what you’re learning in this course. The objective of this field study is to enhance your spatial awareness and observation skills related to human interactions triggering subconscious automated responses.
Rules of field exercise.
Cue nature documentary music score with a professional British voice actor narrating the following: “Your task is simple. Choose at least one subject a day to study for 14 days. As you observe their behaviors please do so from a hidden or obscured location and at a safe distance. Be careful not to startle the subjects. Most importantly, DO NOT feed the subjects. They might follow you home for more. They must not discover you are observing them. So, be discreet and do not approach them with questions as it may spook or panic the herd.” Seriously, just kidding about the feeding and spooking the herd.
“If we do not learn to control ourselves, we will be controlled by others”.
Pay close attention to the environment for signs of people, places, and things that may trigger involuntary reactions and subconscious automated behaviors.
As with the Notebook exercise, bring a note pad and write notes of your observations. What you are specifically looking for are elements (people, places, things, and events) that appear to or do trigger changes in the subject’s thought patterns, emotions, and behaviors. Besides speech patterns and topic changes in conversation, there are other signs worth noting. These can be visible changes in facial expressions, changes in skin tone, hand gestures, wondering or rapid eye movements, twitchy body movements, and uncomfortable body posture changes. Especially, defensive and aggressive postures.
Example scenario: You’re sitting at a corner table in a nearly full coffee shop. With note pad in hand. You notice a well-dressed couple enter and stand in line to order. It’s winter so they are wearing coats. The woman takes off her coat and without looking holds it out for the man to take. Her attention is on the pastries and the menu. She is unaware he is not paying attention to her while looking through his wallet for enough cash to pay for their drinks. Another patron enters the shop and passes close by the man. The woman seeing movement from her peripheral vision thinks her partner, who is still in his wallet, has grabbed the coat and releases her hold only to see it fall to the ground. Meanwhile, another man on his way to the exit passing close by accidentally steps on the woman’s coat. Now the woman gets angry. She speaks poorly of the man she’s with and belittles him for not paying attention. Then she says with disgust, “Men”, for him being insensitive to her needs. Not only was he not paying attention to her he allowed her expensive coat to drop on the floor and get trampled. The man responds with outrage at the accusations and defends his innocence. An argument ensues.
Questions to consider with each subject. Please answer the questions that are most relevant to you.
What were the noticeable thoughts, emotions, automated behaviors, and triggered responses in this scenario?
What were the elements and changing conditions in the environment that triggered negative changes in the couple’s behavior?
Where do you think the couple acquired and learned the automated thoughts, emotions, and behaviors they expressed?
Do you think they would be interested and receptive to hear your observations of the event?
When you read this scenario, do you see how easy it is for us to create false impressions and misunderstandings of events in our lives?
Did you notice yourself automatically taking one side or the other?
I’m sure there are those who would think the man was being insensitive because he wasn’t paying enough attention to grab her coat.
Others would agree that the woman was being insensitive and not fully paying attention which led to the coat getting stepped on which triggered the argument.
Regarding your field study subjects. You don’t have to go down this list point by point, but these are all important questions to keep in mind as you observe and take your notes.
Are there different perspectives from your observations that could alter how you interpreted or perceived their behavior?
If so how?
How does this subject’s automated behavior trigger you to think about similar experiences in your life?
Do you see how unaware the subject is that they are being controlled and manipulated by their subconscious programming?
Do you think they will ever know how badly their lives and future have been altered, influenced, and limited by others, generations before they were born?
Do you think they will ever discover what really caused them to lose sight of their childhood dreams?
Do you think you will ever discover what caused you to lose sight of your dreams?
What kind of self-limiting, sabotaging, and submissive subconscious programming do you think they were exposed to as a child to lose touch with their dreams and aspirations?
How about you? What dysfunctional programming were you exposed to that caused you to lose touch with your dreams and aspirations?
Do you feel you have the ability now to move forward to not only consider your dreams and aspirations but actually work on manifesting them in your life?
How does it make you feel knowing they may never realize they are not in control of themselves and may not be able to improve the quality of their life?
Do you feel compassion towards them?
Do you think they would be receptive to learn about your observations?
How receptive would you be if you were the one being observed?
Do you think they would appreciate your kindness, compassion, and charity?
Would you appreciate kindness, compassion, and charity from others who have been observing you? Others who want to help you improve your life?
What will you do with this new information and how will it reshape your perception of reality moving forward?
Compare your answer to these questions with the ones presented at the start of this lesson.
It is interesting being able to see challenging life issues from more than one vantage point. When we look through the eyes of the observer we may not be as emotionally engaged. As we begin to compare their life circumstances with our own our vantage point changes and we feel a little more emotionally connected. This is where empathy and compassion begin to appear.
This is how enhancing our awareness and observation skills allow us to realize something critically important about our reality. We are a significant part of our journey and story but it’s not just about us. As we progress towards being a better version of us, we also incrementally elevate our consciousness to more fully understand that this human experience and journey is largely about the lives we touch in a meaningful and uplifting way. In order to reach this state of self-awareness, it requires complete honesty. Once you’ve elevated your conscious mind to openly accept complete honesty you will never accept anything less. You will never want to allow anyone including yourself to devalue what an incredible and unique spiritual being you really are.
“If we do not learn to control ourselves, we will be controlled by others”.
When I first started learning how to enhance my self and spatial awareness it felt like being next to a river within a deep canyon. When I looked to either side, I saw what first appeared to be steep walls of jagged rock all the way up to the top of the ridge.
Spatial awareness equated to me focusing my attention on the surrounding area long enough to discover the walls were at more of an angle than vertical. I then noticed a steep path partially hidden by fallen rock slides that led to the top of the ridge.
Self-awareness for me was discovering I had to make a firm commitment and change my current negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to something more or that’s where I would remain the rest of my life.
Perhaps you too are starting to see the sloping paths and feel encouraged you’re not alone. Others, have created a path for you to follow that leads to a better quality of life. All you have to do is have the passion and courage to follow the path.
Then, at the end of 60 days you too, like so many others can look back and scarcely recognize the old version of you.
I will end this lesson with a quote and a poem I wrote for this occasion.
Have a great day.
Quote: The moment we devalue the life of others we devalue our own.
Through civil discourse, we are meant to discover
interpretations, values, and thoughts of others.
If generations past lead our thoughts asunder
perceptions of ignorance the mind to suffer.
Our prosperity bound within the mindful cell
one day released as a tree from shell.
To hastened its departure from the murky depth
developing awareness takes a step.
To breath the air of our own salvation
we willfully remove submissive temptation.
